


Distance

by ncfan



Series: Textual Ghosts [4]
Category: TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works, The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Adopted Children, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Family Member Death, Gen, Noldolante, Poetry, Regret, Spouse Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-19
Updated: 2013-07-29
Packaged: 2017-12-20 16:50:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 1,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/889583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ncfan/pseuds/ncfan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Of the more than seventy-five fragments of the Noldolantë, as written and composed by Kanafinwë Makalaurë, son of Fëanáro, only eleven pieces are complete both in lyric and tune." -Elemmírë Lelyë, SA 2</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. III.

_Of the more than seventy-five fragments of the Noldolantë, as written and composed by Kanafinwë Makalaurë, son of Fëanáro, only eleven pieces are complete both in lyric and tune. The vast majority of the songs written for the Noldolantë are left incomplete. Some are worded fragments, others fragments of melody. Some are marked as being in need of revision. Some have been completed in the written word, but have no tune, or only fragments of tune. Some completed melodies have been found, but have no words to accompany them._

_The fragments are of wildly varying lengths, but the eleven finished pieces are all far shorter than the longest of the unfinished fragments, and are relatively simple in style. Makalaurë's compositions have invariably been rather simple in their lyrics; only when sung do the words attain their true power. None of the fragments were ever given titles by their author, only numbers; the name 'Noldolantë', 'The Fall of the Noldor', itself, comes only from a note written in the margins of fragment 22, and was itself scratched out so heavily as to be nearly illegible; such was the tale with many of the fragments as well, either partially or in their entirety. Given that the highest number written on Makalaurë's fragments well exceeded 100, I suspect that more fragments exist and were either lost or discarded entirely by the author._

—Elemmírë Lelyë, 'The Noldolantë, as composed by Kanafinwë Makalaurë', SA 2

**III.**

Three bright lights, up high, down low, above, below  
In hand, out of reach, pure, vile  
Wars fought, blood shed, for three bright lights  
Made with love, hate made from them

There is blood on the steps of the house  
Blacker than the dark around it, viler than the blow that dealt it  
A cherished laugh, a well-loved voice, a mighty spirit  
My grandfather, he is silent and gone from the steps of our house

An oath I swore on behalf of love  
Not of the lights, but of the one who made them  
Love I held in my heart, as I lifted my sword to the sky  
But I wait not for love in the Darkness, I wait not for love


	2. XI.

**XI.**

There is still smoke rising from the water when we see you  
You crest over the waves as wood sinks beneath them  
Casting pale white light to quench flames and light darkness

I hear the voices call you Rána, pale wanderer  
As you amble through the sky in your crooked path  
Back and forth, waxing, waning, nearing, fleeing

Unlooked for, you came  
Over a dark sky dotted with stars  
We asked not for you  
But glad we were that you came  
For our hearts were weary of darkness  
And we longed again for light


	3. XVI.

**XVI.**

Over the rolling hills come the Children of the Sun  
Small and frail, living lives that cease in a blink of the eye  
How strange you are, Second-born, Strangers  
Living short lives of sickness and ailment  
Possessing spirits unbound to the earth  
Fleeing when the body fails  
How strange you are to my eyes, how strange  
Looking at you is like looking at my reflection in water, twisted, imprecise  
Speaking to you is like hearing a voice from a great distance, weak, remote  
And yet you burn like of a quick fire  
Fading quickly, but burning more brightly for it  
And I see in you vitality I lack


	4. XXXII.

 

**XXXII.**

You are cold, and pale  
Colder than the snow around you  
Paler than the gray sky above  
I resign you to the hard earth  
And pray you will forgive

There is blood on your collar  
Your eyes are shut  
(I do not know if it was a soldier  
Or I  
Or if you died that way)  
You went away from me so quietly  
You died without a word  
Could you not have said farewell?  
(Could not have I?)

I remember you  
Radiant in Laurelin's light  
In Telperion's  
I remember you radiant in my eyes  
But you are like those two Trees now  
Dark, and withered, and dead  
And once more, the world seems dark  
To me


	5. XLV.

**XLV**.

Blood sings in my veins and flies from my sword  
The hard earth of Beleriand pounds beneath horse's hooves  
And without hesitation do I swing and stab again

Screams rise in my ears, swift and keen  
The soft sand of Alqualondë sucks at my feet  
I stare at the sky, will not look ahead

We meet in triumph at the sinking of the Sun  
The bodies of Orcs and evil Men at our feet  
This day we have earned peace and rest, victory well-earned

There is no reprieve in darkness, not for us  
I always see the Swan-Elves, in eyes and mind  
I weep now at the memory of blood, at victory dear-bought  
And wish to unsay words I said, but can not  
Any more than I can un-shed the blood my sword took


	6. LII.

**LII.**

I feel as though a child  
Lost in the wilderness, crying out  
To voices deafened by distance  
Searching for succor and comfort

I recall how you would find me  
Weeping in my fear, alone, afraid  
Never scolding as you lifted me up  
And carried me home, soothing all my hurts and fears

Where have you gone to? Where will you be now?  
Why have you left us? Why have you left me?  
We are adrift without you, alone, bereft  
We do not know how to live without you  
I am not sure I can try

Your fire was too hot for this world  
You were fated to leave engulfed in your own flames  
But you had eyes not for us as you went  
You stared on the stars, and I would have had words from you  
One last comfort, before the fall


	7. LIV.

**LIV.**

She stands by the shores, pacing the sands  
Paying no heed to gemstones twinkling at her feet  
Staring out past the horizon  
Past pale waves cresting over the sky

Does she wait for those she lost?  
Those who left her without even a farewell?  
She stands tall and straight, her eyes clear  
Does she wait for her sons?

Her children left her, she who begot them  
They left without a farewell  
She wanted to keep them, and they would not stay  
They broke her heart, one by one, they must have  
For sons to break a mother's heart were they  
And evil deeds they did ere they left  
Without giving farewell

Grieves she must, for her lost sons  
But when daybreak comes, sweet and clear  
She brushes the sand from her skirt and walks back to her home  
For strong she is, she has always been strong  
Strong and solid as the earth  
And she knows that no grief can last  
And that life goes on


	8. LXXIII.

**LXXIII**.

Strange plants and hills  
In a strange land  
Strange sights and sounds  
Strange smells and stirrings  
So sweet and so new

Everywhere I look, there is something new  
A flower, a bird  
A tree, a rock  
An Elf, a Man  
I find myself drunk on new sights  
And the beauty of this land

The wind is harsher, the storms fiercer  
The ground is harder, the rivers colder  
Pale shadow, you would think this  
No competitor for Blessed Realms

But the air is crisp, and clear, and clean  
The Sun is bright in my face, the Moon soft on my skin  
I breathe in the new air and think myself free of grief  
And in these young lands, I am young too


	9. LXXIV.

**LXXIV.**

You stand framed by Sun  
Your hair, like silk in my hands, is whipped by wind  
Your eyes wide and bright  
And your skin flushed pink

We trace the crest of the hill  
And you laugh, rare and sweeter for it  
All grief forgotten, for just one day  
Tug on my hand and cry "Higher!"

"Higher!" you say, starting to climb  
But I have missed your joy  
Missed it like dry earth misses rain  
And I catch you there, slim, laughing girl  
Revel in your skin, your warmth  
Your bright, laughing eyes  
No, my love, not quite yet


	10. LXXV.

**LXXV.**

You are so small, little ones  
So small and fragile, like the littlest of birds  
I feel as though I could break your bodies in my hands  
Break your hearts in my mouth  
And leave you broken on the floor

I can make no claims on you  
I can not ask for your love  
I took you from home, from kin  
Took you from everything that once was yours  
Came to you in blood and fear  
Drove your mother to her death  
And took you away without allowing you even to bid farewell

So small you both were, so afraid, and so alone  
And so alone was I  
I do not think that loving you  
Will wash away the blood  
Nor heal your hurts and fears  
Even if you cling to me for warmth and love  
I do not think that I can love  
Without ruining what I touch and love

I am afraid to hurt you  
I am afraid I will ruin you both  
You with bright smiles and good cheer  
You with clever hands and solemn eyes  
Chasing butterflies  
Plucking harp strings  
I am afraid I will ruin you both

But do not be afraid, I say  
When you come to me in tears  
Over hurts and fears  
For I love you  
Selfishly, maybe  
Overpoweringly, perhaps  
But do not be afraid  
I love you more than earth and sky


	11. XCVII.

**XCVII.**

At last it comes  
In the waning of the sun  
I thought it would not find me today  
But here it is again

The twins have gone to sleep atop my bed  
(They fear ill dreams, and will not sleep in their own)  
They rest untroubled, unaware  
As I sink down beside them  
Pull the covers up over them, and sigh  
For all that binds me here  
For all that I have found  
Still the longing finds me again  
And holds fast this time, and howls

I am banished, I am Exiled  
It is my Doom to walk the shores of Endóre  
And look never again upon the Blessed Realm  
There is beauty to be found in Endóre  
And here I have found love unlooked-for  
But here the longing has found me again  
Longing for two things at once

My Oath screams and begs in my chest  
My longing for home overwhelms as the phantom smell of salt  
I long to reclaim accursed jewels  
I long to see my home  
But I will have neither, I know and fear  
I will have neither, until the world breaks  
And I break with it too


End file.
